


The Koopa Konspiracy

by megaminxwin



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: this is what happens when you lose control of your life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megaminxwin/pseuds/megaminxwin
Summary: There have been many questions throughout the Mushroom Kingdom about why the security team is always so lax, considering how many times the princess has been captured. No one thought that maybe, just maybe, there were darker reasons...
Relationships: Koopa | Bowser/Peach-hime | Peach Toadstool
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> what am i doing with my LIFE

“We can’t keep doing this.”

King Bowser looked up, shocked. He had thought – or at any rate, assumed – that Peach had been happy. Did he forget her favourite type of tea again, perhaps? “What do you mean, Princess?” he asked, nervously. “I can change the accommodations if you like, or we can go to your castle – ”

“No, I don’t mean that,” Princess Peach responded, setting down her teacup in a manner more graceful than a thousand koopas put together. “I mean this, in general. Keeping everything secret from our subjects, needing to plan our schedules so carefully… It’s just so exhausting. I’m not sure if I can keep doing this.”

Bowser carefully considered what she was saying. They had been seeing each other secretly for a long time now. Every time it was feasible, a warp pipe would appear in his private quarters, and the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom would appear as if by magic. They would only have a few hours with each other, but oh, how he treasured those. The thought of losing those times… it was inconceivable. “So… what are you suggesting? Do you mean – please don’t tell me you – ”

“I still love you, you big silly,” Peach said, giggling slightly. “I don’t want to leave you, I promise! It’s wonderful to get away from the royal duties to see you, but having to plan everything is just becoming infeasible. I’m sure you know how it is.”

Bowser nodded slowly, gently sipping his Koopa Tea. The last time they had attempted to see each other, it had to be delayed at the last possible moment after Toadsworth brought the princess a revised schedule for the day. In a fit of anger, he ruled that the Sarasaland diplomats would _not_ be received at his court, a move which he was sure would bite him in the tail some day.

“You know we can’t do anything else about this though,” he said. “I love you too, and I don’t want to leave you either, but we can’t risk anyone finding out about this. Imagine what our subjects would think!” He gently growled at the thought of the controversy.

“Yes, well, I know we can’t risk anyone finding out about these little meet-and-greets, but nevertheless, I think we may be able to work something out here.” Peach picked up her handbag and began to rummage through it for something. “Now, where did I put it…”

“I… don’t really understand,” Bowser said. “If we don’t want our subjects to find out – ”

“It only matters for one of us,” Peach interrupted.

“ – then we’ll still need to – what?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” Peach explained, removing a small, pink journal and placing her handbag back on the floor. She flicked through to a page somewhere in the middle, but Bowser could see that there was writing all the way back to the beginning of the book. “Take the Toads. Have you ever, even once, seen a Toad in Koopa Kingdom?”

Bowser pondered this. His kingdom had many happy people living there: Koopas of course, but also Goombas, Bob-ombs, Lakitus, even the occasional Boo now and then. That said, however… “I don’t think so? I’d have to take a look through census data, but – ”

“Don’t worry about that,” Peach said, passing him the journal. “I checked already. There isn’t a single Toad who lives here, and there hasn’t been for years. My subjects have been seen in almost every kingdom that I know of, but never here.”

“Okay…”

“Now here’s the interesting part.” She took the book back, and flipped to the next page. “There are a _lot_ of your subjects living in my kingdom. Toads are still the majority of course, but there is the occasional Goomba village, the mail service is mostly run by Paratroopas, you name it. We have your subjects here, but you don’t have ours.”

“Alright, so we don’t have any Toads, what’s your point?”

“My point,” Peach huffed, “is that my subjects are mostly afraid of your kingdom, that’s why they don’t want to live there. They think you’re a big angry dragon who will crush them. But your subjects? They don’t mind. To them, I’m just a kind and simple princess who wouldn’t hurt a fly. I could lose a lot if I was public about my love for you, but you have nothing to lose by telling everyone about your love for me.”

“Except my reputation as someone who could crush dissent, maybe…”

“No, don’t you see?” Peach was talking very quickly now, her eyes wide with excitement. “If you could tell your people that you were in love with me, they’d rally behind you! They’d be excited about the idea of a relationship between us. I’d have to make some rather odd statements, I suppose, but I’m sure this could work!”

“But even if the people know about my love for you,” Bowser grumbled, “how does that help? If your people knew we were meeting in secret, you’d be forced to abdicate. Isn’t Toadsworth next in line? He would _destroy_ your kingdom, I could never let that happen.”

Peach suddenly stopped. “I mean – I suppose I could – ”

“I love the idea, darling,” he continued, “but let’s face it. I don’t know how realistic it is. I could tell my people, true, but they might get some weird ideas into their heads. They might, I don’t know, try to kidnap you or something, and that would be horrible. I think we have to keep this secret.”

They sat in silence for a while, neither wishing to touch their sponge cakes. The thought of keeping their love secret for the rest of their lives was impossible to bear, but what else could they do?

“Wait a minute,” Peach suddenly said, making Bowser jump slightly, “kidnap me?”

“I mean, yeah,” he responded. “They’d break in, capture you, and take you to me expecting some kind of reward. True, we’d be together, but at what cost? I don’t want you to be hurt, no matter what happens.”

“...then what if you lead the effort?”

Bowser nearly choked on his tea. “If I _what?_ ”

“Think about it,” Peach said, putting the pieces together. “You lead the effort, and you do the ‘kidnapping’. I get taken back into this room, and your subjects celebrate for a while. There’s a chance my military would retaliate, but – ”

“ – but the boost to your economy via the war effort would help things out,” he said, eyes widening. “Plus, if we win the war, we could absorb your kingdom’s land. You wouldn’t have to worry about Toadsworth succeeding you because – ”

“ – because there wouldn’t be a throne to succeed to in the first place!” she shouted, banging her fist on the table. “Sweetheart, this could work! Your military is far more powerful than mine as well, you could easily win!”

Suddenly, Peach stood up, grabbing her handbag before sweeping around the table and embracing the Koopa King. “Okay darling, I need to make some arrangements, and so do you. I think you need to figure out how you’re going to break the news.”

“Aren’t you going to help me?” Bowser smirked, but gently kissed her. “I’ll do my best. I might ask Wendy, actually, she’s growing up to become a wonderful speechwriter.”

“Good idea.” The princess walked back over to the warp pipe, and nearly climbed in before asking, “Suppose some of my people manage to get to us?”

“Oh. Uh… I suppose we’ll have to pretend that I really did kidnap you? I mean, it would only be for a short time, but if that’s too uncomfortable, we could – ”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “It’s exciting! Being pampered by servants gets so boring, I’d love to spice things up a little. Besides, what are the odds of that happening anyway?”

Bowser chuckled, a deep throaty laugh that could terrify a lot of lesser leaders. “Good point. I love you, darling.”

“I love you too! See you soon!” With that, Peach dropped down into the warp pipe, and was whisked back to her own castle. The pipe disappeared into the ground shortly afterwards.

“Right,” Bowser thought, standing up and making his way to his youngest daughter’s room. “Looks like this kingdom will be seeing a change in direction.”


	2. The Capture

_Six months later…_

“We’re just about ready to start the affront,” Bowser said, boarding the airship. “General, what’s our status?”

“All ready to fly, sir,” General Boom Boom replied, flipping through the mission plans. “The Koopa Troopas in the fifth regiment have just finished their preparations, the Bill Blasters have been fully loaded, and the Paragoombas are ready to drop in.”

“Excellent,” Bowser said. “Now remember, I want this to be a _clean operation._ The goal is to take the princess back to my castle, and I will be leading that charge. Your only job is to ensure that none of her puny little subjects try anything, alright?”

“Yes, sir!”

“I’m serious here, if I see a single Toad hurt while doing this? Peach will _never_ understand that I truly love her.” _Or she would never forgive me,_ he thought to himself. “I know this is a strange mission, but – ”

“ – but you want to bring her back so you can make a bloodless coup, I heard the speech,” the general said. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Make it quick.” They were sitting down by this point, as the pilots made their final checks before take-off.

“Why are we going this route? If we wanted to take over the Mushroom Kingdom, wouldn’t it be quicker to just... take out the pri-”

“DON’T YOU DARE FINISH!” Bowser suddenly stood up, slamming his foot to the floor. The growling yell rattled the entire airship, and all the passengers immediately fell silent. General Boom Boom cowered in his shell, suddenly regretting every decision he had made in his life.

“Now you listen here, _general_ ,” Bowser spat, “and listen well. That speech I made was not just an excuse to declare war, it was the _truth!_ If you honestly think I would ever decide to… to…” He stopped suddenly, the rest of the crew staring at the unfolding scene. The thought of Princess Peach, the love of his life, the one he would do anything for, killed at his own claw… It was a terrifying prospect, and one he couldn’t help but shiver at.

He quickly composed himself and continued. “Right now, you should consider yourself very lucky indeed. Feel lucky that you are the one planning this mission. Feel lucky that we haven’t left yet. Feel lucky that we are still on the  _ground,_ and above all? Feel lucky that we cannot afford to delay. The only thing stopping me from stripping you of your rank is that we are about to take off. Do a good job, and your reward will be that you will only drop to major. Got it?”

“Yes sir,” Former General Boom Boom squeaked. “Sorry sir.”

The  atmosphere in the airship seemed very cold indeed. Bowser glared a moment longer, smoke billowing from his nostrils, before suddenly swinging around and sitting back down. “How long before we take off?” he barked at a chattering Hammer Bro.

“F-five minutes, sir.”

* * *

P rincess Peach sighed. The meeting with the ambassador from  Dinosaur Land had once again  run late,  and she was sure that any potential benefit from a trade deal with them would be outweighed by the difficulty of actually trading in the first place. It was hard enough to get shipments over there, and warp pipes were only useful for small items, not nearly big enough for crates of berries to get through.

Her mind wandered to the upcoming “kidnapping”. After some discussion, they had agreed to make it a surprise attack, so that her reaction of shock would appear to be more genuine. It was imperative that everything went according to plan; not even Bowser’s army could know the full details, lest some gossip find its way back to the Mushroom Kingdom. If this was to succeed, she could not let anyone know that she wanted to be snatched away. Everything would appear normal until the last possible moment.

With her itinerary finished for the day, the princess quickly retired back to her quarters. The next hour or so was spent wiling away at several letters to nearby leaders, but she kept wistfully looking out the window for any sign of the upcoming attack. Would it be today? Everything was ready, so it could be. It would be something interesting, anyway.

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. “Come in,” she said, and after a moment’s hesitation, the door opened to reveal Toadsworth on the other side.  _Oh no,_ she thought,  _what could he possibly want now?_

“Good afternoon, Princess,” Toadsworth said, in the constantly chipper manner that others saw as charming, but that she could only see as irritating. “Terribly sorry to burst in, but there is a rather urgent news briefing that has just arrived, and it seemed jolly proper for me to bring it to your attention.”

“Urgent? Has something happened?” Peach said, in her best faux-concerned voice.

“Indeed. It would seem that those devilish rascals over in the Koopa Kingdom are preparing for some kind of battle. As to what end, I could not say, but we have several sources who believe that this could be related to what the King declared some time ago.”

_Oh my goodness… it’s finally happening,_ the princess thought, fighting down a smile. “Don’t remind me of that cruel beast,” she said.

“Very sorry, Princess. Needless to say, although we cannot yet ascertain their plans, it does not look good. I would immediately recommend consulting with the Toad Brigade as to the best course of action, eh wot.”

“Could you invite them in? I would head there myself, but given the current circumstances, I’m not entirely sure it would be safe for me to be seen at the present time.” _Besides, I need time to pack,_ she silently added.

“Very good, Princess, I will see to it immediately. Pip pip,” Toadsworth said, and left the room, leaving only Peach behind.

“At last,” she said to herself.

* * *

Several miles away, unknown to anyone, the architects of the warp pipe system were setting up for dinner, completely unaware of the events that would soon link them all.

* * *

T he Mushroom Kingdom, 01:53. A higher than usual number of guards had been posted outside Peach’s castle, in anticipation of the potential attack.  The Toad Brigade was on high alert, searching through telescopes for any sign of trouble that might be on its way.

“Any sign?” a green Toad asked, his fear evident in his voice. Toad Guards might be the bravest of all Toads, but that isn’t saying much. “I haven’t been able to see anything at all so far.”

“No, me neither,” his friend replied, a yellow Toad who was careful to not take her eyes off the sky. “Do you think they will attack?”

“What do you mean?” It seemed an odd question, of course they would. Bowser had made it clear in his speech, after all – he would take the princess by any means necessary, and he always kept his word. The idea of anyone even considering such a vile act made the green Toad shiver right through his cap.

“If they were really going to attack, why would they announce it?” the yellow Toad asked, gently sipping some tea, her gaze unwavering through the telescope. “If you were Bowser, wouldn’t you be quiet about it until the last possible moment? I think he’s just trying to get support from his base again.”

“Please, don’t give me hope. I saw the evidence in that meeting, I don’t want to be caught off guard.”

“But suppose he _doesn’t_ – ”

The conversation was suddenly interrupted by the faintest whirring noise. It was so quiet, the Toads could barely tell if they had imagined it or not, but it soon started getting louder. They quickly scanned the skies to see where it could be coming from, and eventually, discovered their worst nightmare.

Airships. Dozens and dozens of airships, all with the flag of the dreaded Koopa Kingdom. It was hard to tell from such a distance, but it looked as if their entire military had turned out for this one operation. The sheer number of paratroopas leading the charge was already more than enough to overcome the combined forces of the Mushroom Kingdom, and the number of Shy Guys seen loading Bullet Bills was formidable. In the centre of it all was the largest airship, and as the Toads watched on in horror, they saw the dreaded figure of King Bowser step out onto the bow, leading his troops into battle.

Immediately, the Toads turned and ran, attempting to raise the alarm, but could only make it a few steps before they were cornered by Boos, the sinister cackling and menacing grin freezing them in their tracks.

“FULL SPEED AHEAD!” Bowser was heard to growl, and all the Toads could do was tremble in fear as the airships made their way down to the castle, right to the princess’ window.

* * *

_There you are, beautiful,_ Peach thought, as she gazed longingly outside. She knew she would have to summon the guards soon, just to make it seem like she cared about not being kidnapped, but the princess reckoned she could leave it a few more moments. After all, if her army was competent, they surely would have raised the alarm by now – or perhaps even been guarding her right now?

It didn’t matter, of course. Bowser’s army would triumph, and she would soon be whisked off into his arms, finally allowing her to express her love at any time. All she had to do was pretend to resist.

Peach quickly moved to the corner of the room, and as a Bullet Bill smashed through the window glass, she screamed in mock-terror. “Someone! Anyone! Help me!” she yelled, feeling around for the personal alarm.

“Too late, Princess,” she heard, and as she looked out the remains of her window, she saw several Koopas ready and waiting to capture her. At the centre was a Hammer Bro, a wry smile on his face as he motioned for an anchor to be thrown in. “I’m afraid the King was very clear: get the princess, and bring her back to his castle. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure you’ll be treated perfectly well…”

_You don’t know the half of it,_ she thought, but kept making gestures of resistance. “You – you monsters!” she yelled. “All of you! How could you possibly agree to this hideous idea?”

“King Bowser really does love you, you know,” the Bro said. “That wasn’t just an excuse, he told me it was the truth. How could I resist a love story just blossoming up between my leader and you? Now hurry up and get in, there’s someone in here who wants to see you veeery desperately.”

“Never!” the Princess screamed. “HELP ME! I don’t – mmph!”

She soon found herself in the clutches of a Magikoopa, and although she struggled, she was unable to leave their grip. “Heheheh, I don’t think you have a choice, my darling! Come on, let’s fly!” they said, grabbing their broomstick and flying her straight into the clutches of the Koopa Troop, where Bowser was waiting for them.

The plan had gone without a hitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess this is becoming a thing now
> 
> i mean, its not *great*, but if you came here expecting something decent? youre wrong and you owe me an apology

**Author's Note:**

> this is what happens when you challenge a friend to a fanfic-off and then realise you don't know what to write about


End file.
